Keeping Your Kids Safe From Predators

Whenever there are stories like this in the news, parents always are concerned that talking about it with their kids will only scare them. I agree going through the heinous details in a case like this can be scary.

But more scary and more risky is not talking about realities of protecting your body at all.  As a society, we can talk about all kinds of crimes, including murderers, gangs, and domestic violence, with no problem. We don't think twice about preparing kids about what to do in a fire, earthquake, or tornado. We observe and discuss how the media over-sexualizes teenagers. We go to the movies and laugh at slapstick, dark, and inappropriate humor; we even watch horror and thriller movies with a sense of enjoyment.

Yet despite all of this, people are constantly telling me they are scared to talk to their kids or even each other about protecting ourselves and our children from sexual abuse. Well, it's time. Just as it was time about 10 years ago to make breast cancer a focus of national concern, it is time for us to feel just as comfortable talking about keeping our bodies and those of our children safe.

The first thing we must do is acknowledge that yes, there is an epidemic of sexual abuse in our society. And even if you don't buy into the statistics put out by organizations or even the government, I can tell you from my own caseload, working in the trenches of Los Angeles County, that sexual assault is rampant. It is rampant amongst whites, blacks, Hispanics, men, women, children, and crosses all socio-economic boundaries. And while we may prefer to think that sexual abuse occurs in dark alleys by random strangers, the fact is that at least 85% (if not more) is perpetrated by someone the victim knows.

We have to recognize that there is an issue--a massive one!--and start talking about it. As soon as we have conversations with each other and our kids, we will be able to do more to prevent it, as well as help victims to come forward and make their way towards short-term healing and long-term survival.

The key to keeping such talks from being scary is for parents to assume that body/personal safety discussions are not scary!  Just because we, as adults, are nervous about “the world out there,” we needn’t convey our fears to our children. However, there are things kids must know before they dive into the world of independent adults.

As trite and over-used as the expression seems, “Knowledge truly is power.”  I am not suggesting that parents need to tell kids about the gruesome details of every case in the news, or grill them with statistics. But youngsters need to have a solid understanding of how they can defend themselves in ways appropriate to their age.

On their website, the California Department of Justice reminds parents that “we provide safety information to our children in a number of other areas that may seem pretty scary, such as “drop and roll” if your clothes catch on fire or “look both ways when you cross the street.”

When it’s time to discuss sexual abuse, the best way to combat the fear associated with such talks is to just start the discussion!  It’s never too early to begin to give children information that can help them stay safe.  However, treat personal safety like any other parenting lesson—find appropriate times, don’t tackle too many lessons at a time, and consider the child’s personal development and understanding.

And above all, do not use fear or scare tactics to educate children on personal safety. This can often backfire because it goes against the objective to empower them.  Empowering them is what allows them to handle the situation, while fear tends to make them freeze, and may actually disable them if they need to act in an emergency.

The only thing that should scare you is NOT teaching or talking to your children about personal safety.

The following chart represents the safety issues that must be addressed.  While I have designated age groups for some of the teaching points, it is essential that each age group be covered properly before moving onto the next age group.