As I sit and write this blog, my heart is breaking a little bit because tomorrow, my little one is heading to his first day of preschool. As a working mom, I'm torn by feelings of guilt of not being there for him on his first day. Nor his second or third for that matter. It's impossible for me to take time off right now as it is considered the "ratings month" here at work and my husband (who's also heartbroken) can't take time off from his work either.
I'm comforted by my friends telling me that he is never going to remember the fact that I wasn't there. Or that when he cries for us when we're at work sometimes, that it's just the separation anxiety phase which he will soon get over. Frankly, I'm just sad that I won't be able to experience the "firsts" with him. 'First' dance circle with the other kids, "First" snack time at their table, "First" painting session etc. Am I being selfish? I know that I'm going to get updates from the teacher as well as the baby sitter, but I don't think it's the same. (Sigh...)
These are moments that prompt me to contemplate asking my husband if I can be a stay-at-home mom. I fantasize about how we can tighten our belts and scale down so I can take the kid to school and play dates. But after a glass of wine, I come to my senses and decide that my career is important to me too and I've worked very hard to get to where I'm at. I know it's all a balance and I'm always actively looking for ways of finding that balance for our family. In fact, it's one of my New Year's resolutions this year! So for now, maybe I'll request for a day off after "the sweeps month" is over and go with him to school.
How do you cope with these feelings? How do you balance your career and family life? Please let me know in the comments below. I'm looking forward to reading how you make it all work for your family.