Do-Nothing-Dave, our part-time mayor, has snuck-out of town again, relaxing in an undisclosed location. Maybe that's a good thing after a week that began with Hizzoner whining that the emergency manager isn't listening to him.
He sounded as shrill as Reese Witherspoon at a traffic stop. Filling in this week as acting mayor is Bing's mouthpiece, Bob Warfield, normally his communications director.
Warfield is an old television news producer. How that's a qualification to be acting mayor is beyond me. Remember, I work in TV News. It's not a pretty thing.
Then again, why not? Warfield as the acting mayor acting like the mayor who is actually just a man acting like he's the mayor since his mayoral powers have been stripped by the emergency manager is not that much of a stretch.
And in that spirit, let me offer a short list of things acting Mayor Warfield can accomplish in his few remaining days in office. Things that could cement his legacy as one of Detroit's greats:
· Announce the hiring of Cincinnati Police Chief James Craig. I am told Chief Craig's hiring as Detroit's top cop is imminent and will be announced in a few days. Warfield can hire him now and take the credit.
· Mayor Warfield can get rid of some of his two-dozen mayoral security cops and reinvest the money into buying bullet-proof vests for cops who actually work the streets. The city has stopped purchasing them because of non-payment problems with vendors, I'm told. Treating cops like they matter is a good thing for a mayor to do.
· Announce cost-cutting measures. For instance, the mayoral staff will now be required to use BOTH sides of the Charmin.
· Make Bing's long-time pal Emmett Moten pay up on the city backed loans for his downtown hotel. If Moten won't pay up, foreclose on the hotel and turn it into a community theater where Mayor Bing and the City Council can pretend they're actually doing something.
· Lease out the rest of the city to Dan Gilbert. Everything except Belle Isle. Give that back to the Algonquin Indians who can develop a casino to compete with Gilbert's. Tell the people capitalism and competition is good!
· Fire the custodians at City Hall and hire the FBI to mop things up.
· Throw a party at the Manoogian Mansion. Invite strippers but be sure to ban wives. And for goodness sake, be proud of it!
We wish you luck Mr. Acting Mayor……Carpe Diem!